Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's leading entertainers used their evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday jingle targeting the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he handles."

The focus was the new program that permits overseas individuals to buy U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "premium" option for $5 million. An official page pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to rich immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large payments. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The best vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval numbers during economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, where he reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.